Going Minimalist

So, with all the struggles from the past five years getting the most of every situation. I'm going to start by changing everything I know about my life. Ripping away the layers until I find what I'm looking for. I've been reading about minimalism for over a year and it intrigues me as well. This is my plan and I hope my diagnosis lets me complete this task. I'm going to blog about the changes I'm making in my life by going minimalist. All the ups and downs to the craziness. Because of my disability, my nephew has agreed to help me with anything and everything I need. My best friend is also going to come help me go through sound stuff that I know I need to donate or throw out.

Now, going minimalist for me might be a little different than it could be for other people. I don't own my a house or rent an apartment any more. I live in a single bedroom in my parent's house and they help me with as much as they can. It isn't safe for me to live alone anymore. The dream of ever owning my own home might never happen but I do know something, I'm going to make what little space I do have, my very own.

I moved back in with my parents back in 2017 and I thought it would be temporary. Everyone thought it was going to be temporary, basically because some didn't want me moving in at all. Geez, I was wrong and I've felt stuck ever since. I didn't want to lose all the amazing stuff I had worked so hard for, so I hoarded as much as possible. Making the same room I occupied look as if it could scare off an active tornado. And sadly, it has changed much ever since.

I started looking at different ways to organize and make the room less cluttered. It was driving me insane but that's when I found the word "Minimalist". I had never heard of it, but that intrigued me. Living a happier life with less stuff. Sign me up! Then, I didn't the next best thing, research. I love researching anything really but this had me so wrapped up that I just kept reading and reading. Then I realized, this is what I've been looking for.

My next steps are to start decluttering... Lord, give me strength!

I'll be back to update everyone on my progression into the new and improved me. My goal is to take everyone on this journey from trapped to freedom.

PS. I'm even going to set up a reminder to update this blog at least every other day until I make a habit out if it.

XOXO

Let's try this again...

Going Minimalist

Well, as usual, life has gotten the best of me. Yet again, I know. I’m not good keeping up with things like I used to before my diagnosis. It’s almost like the harder I try, the worse it gets. I can’t handle much more. So, let me explain a bit of my story and where everything changed in my life. This may take a while but bare with me, it’s a journey I’m still discovering.

Pin pointing the exact moment when you life shifts isn’t something most people experience in their personal lives. Sometimes it's much later, after the event that we figure out that something isn't quite right. Yes, there has been events everyone remembers exactly where they were when it happened. For my generation, we can tell you in clear, precise details of where we were on 9/11. I was a freshman in high school, in my first period economics class.

Like so many other events throughout time, they changed everyone in some way or another. But, what if it was something that happened specifically to just changed you? Do you think you’d remember a moment like that? For me, it was losing a loved one in a violent car crash.

A date that millions remember for a very different reason. On December 7th, 1941 was the bombing of Pearl Harbor, a date I’ve had memorized since I was a child. Then came the 75th anniversary of Pearl and another tragic memory tangled within that same date. The date that changed me.

On December 7th, 2016; my aunt was killed in a car crash. That was the first day I felt the shift, it didn’t take up much space in my brain at the time. It only became worse, until I broken completely.

Month by month after my aunt’s death, I lost more and more friends and family. As of now, February 2022, I’ve lost over 20 people close to me. And that was pre-covid.

With the shift, I started to notice things about myself. I dropped my guard for the first time in a very long time and ended up causing myself to get hurt worse than I ever had. That lead me down a path that I had never experienced. The path that shown me that rock bottom, in fact, had a basement and I was trying to dig it up. I didn't just lose myself, I lost everything. I was no longer the same person. My existence seemed to disappear.

As of right now, February 2022, I've come to learn many things. Not just about myself, but how I want to live my life. Shortly after my aunts death, I lost a dear cousin, an uncle, and a man I loved very much. In four months, I lost four people. To this day, I'm still grieving, I don't think I've stopped grieving since then. That old saying about time healing all wounds is crap. Time doesn't heal anything, time only makes things easier to deal with and manage your way with the loss.

In that same four month stretch, my mental health began to suffer and shortly after my physical health began to follow. It started with depression and anxiety, then continued to full panic attacks and agoraphobia. Leaving my home became a struggle that hog-tying a bear with pool noodles sounded like an easier task. It took me months to figure out what was wrong with me. In that same time frame, my lower back and hip became nearly impossible to manage. I was a wreak. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

So many things were happening that they began to run together into a conundrum so complex that I didn't know how to get out of it. I could barely walk and the pain never goes away, no matter what I try. I couldn't go back to the call center I had been working, I couldn't be around people without losing myself in the process. It became this overwhelming condition that took me almost a year before I was able to reach out and get the help I needed.

Then came the diagnosis. All the time. It's a list that would take up more space than I've already typed, so it's pretty extensive but I'm getting the help I need with the things I can't do alone anymore.

Something I'm still struggling with is remembering to keep up with a blog like I've always wanted to do. So, this is wear my fun begins (again).

What I see when I look through my looking glass?

I don't see a world of hate or discrimination, I don't see black, white, or Technicolor. Everything and everyone is beautiful, not just in their own way but in every way. People, living breathing feeling people, deserve to be exactly what they want to be. No need to explain themselves to anyone. Don't hurt another person, child, or animal and you're allow to be exactly what you want to be. Better yet, no one else would care. Not everything needs to be a subject of conversation. If you want to truly be happy, shut up and do it.

Yes, everyone is entitled with the right of free speech but that also comes with the right to shut up. Sometimes people argue just to get the other person to shut about the entire conversation. Not because they don't want to hear it, but instead it's because that's all the person has heard for days and days. No one wants to hear the same thing over and over again. Most people don't even like to hear themselves repeat their own thoughts and ideas.

Where do you get off thinking they would want to hear yours more than once. I'm surprised they'd even listen the first time. Be proud you got that far.

What happen to happiness? What happen to wanting to share your life with another person privately? I would do anything in my life to have a strong healthy relationship and this whole post stems from one thing I saw on instagram that has been festering for a few days now.

The post was just a simple sentence and this was it...

"Would you give up all social media for a health relationship?"

Flabbergasted... I was without words. Why in the hell would you even ask that questions. Of course, I would throw away social media in a heartbeat. "(Lets be real, I suck at social media anyways but that's besides the point.) Why would it even been a topic on conversation? I would even go back to using one of the old school flip phones with no internet if I was asked to. No one on your social media should know about your personal and private life, those things are for you and your partner.

I believe, little country bumpkin self. Our society would benefit from people keeping their private lives private and everyone would live a much happier life.

Emotions are hard for a lot of people, especially when they're trying to understand other peoples emotions that they don't even know. The idea alone hurts my head.

Sorry for the rant, TED Talk over!

Goodnight