"Brain Pain" 

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A poem by: Isabeau Ezlyn Blair

 

“Which is worse” she wondered.

“Emotional pain or physical pain?”

 

With a solitary tear rolling down her cheek, she already knew the answer. She knew the answer before she finished the question. 

 

Emotional pain will always be worse, in her opinion.

She’s been beaten, bruised, and broken but other than a couple of small scars, you’d never know. However, the emotional pain can be seen just behind her eyes.

 

Experiencing such trauma will live with her forever and she’ll carry that burden with her, wherever she may go. The worst part of emotional pain isn’t the words being said or the actions that are shown; it’s the trust that is lost. Trust that had been taken for granted. She broke her own heart by trusting him. He never thought the truth would be important to her? He didn’t care enough to know better. 

 

She never cried herself to sleep because she didn’t want him to make fun of her tears and weakness. She tried to be the best girlfriend she could be but he would never call her, his girlfriend. 

 

To be in a relationship, she never felt more lonely. When she tried to talk to him about her feelings, he would call her dramatic and laugh at her expense.

She should have known it would never work out; the things that mattered to him would never have mattered to her. 

 

Somehow, she believed every lie without question. He was so convincing, he had practiced each lie and each deceitful thing in great detail. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

 

Now, the pain she feels isn’t from bruised ribs or a broken nose. It’s from a bruised soul and broken promises. She knows how strong she is, she got away from him. The weakness, the emotional pain makes her feel is far greater than the strength she knows she has. 

 

She struggles daily with the backlash from her emotional abuser; the depression, the anxiety, even the PTSD she suffers with now. 

 

I wonder if her former partner knows the extent of her damage?

 

For I am she and she is me!!